“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.” – Anton Chekho
Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship, yet it something that can be lost.
Sometimes the people we love will hurt and disappoint us, they will do things that will make us question our trust in them and sometimes those things can break our trust completely. But like everything in life, I feel it’s all about perspective and where you are at that moment of your life and development.
A few things I’ve learned about forgiveness and trust along the way in a relationship...
When someone does something that causes you to lose trust in them, it’s going to create conflict for both parties.
In order to move forward you have to make a choice. You can either allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner or friend again or decide that you can’t trust. If you can’t forgive and fully trust then you need to get out of the relationship and move on otherwise you are setting yourself up for one toxic cycle. If you can, then you need to start working on the relationship together by forgiving the other person without holding any resentment. That is a choice.
You must ask yourself:
Can you truly heal from this and forgive without holding any resentment?
Can you be vulnerable and trust in them again?
Really look within for these answers and reflect...
Most times what we end up doing is staying in the situation, we convince ourselves and the other party involved that we have forgiven and that we want to move forward. However true our intention may be, what actually ends up happening is quite the opposite.
Many of us think we have forgiven another yet deep in our hearts we don’t trust them and we are unwilling to become vulnerable again but we believe that because we are choosing to stay and work through it that we must have forgiven them.
But then we find ourselves continually trying to punish the other by holding on to their offense, using it against them at any moment that we feel pain. Taking comfort in the power of making the other person earn our trust again. We act out by trying to hurt the other and then we justify our behavior. Because after all we are the “victim” and the other person is the one who caused and created this mess...
But in actually it is YOU the one who has been wounded who ends up creating a bigger mess of the relationship. When you are unable to forgive another and still decide to stay with them, you end up living in anger and growing in resentment; creating a toxic environment for all parties involved. And that is a choice YOU are making.
Forgiving is not forgetting but it is making a decision to let go of the pain, let go of our story and move towards LOVE again. It’s not about replaying the incident over and over in your mind because all that does, is feed into your anger which makes it more difficult to truly let go and trust once more.
Forgiveness is not always an easy path, sometimes it’s easier to hang on to old issues. Yet you CANNOT sustain any type of relationship for long without TRUST it’s impossible and it will eventually catch up with you.
Everything and I means everything in life requires trust, it’s just about what we are choosing to trust in, that is the question?
We must also recognize that any feelings we carry towards another person sits with us in our aura and only serves to attract more of that same energy that we have chosen to hold on to. This is why we often hear people say that forgiveness is more for YOU then it is for another...
Forgiveness sets YOU free, holding on to pain keeps you a prisoner and you end up punishing yourself far worse than the actual offense ever could.
Forgiveness doesn’t guarantee that the person will change nor that they won’t hurt you again but what it does guarantee is that you will grow from it, you will heal and cleanse your energy space so that you can ascend higher and attract better circumstance to yourself.
Be willing to accept personal responsibility for everything that happens in your life, even when others hurt and disappoint you-you have to accept responsibility if you are to change it.
We may not be able to change the past but with awareness, we can decide how to move forward.
Do we want to create true healing and make peace with our pain or do we want to dwell and wallow in resentment by holding on?
My hope is if and when you find yourself in a situation where someone has broken your trust that you take the time to really reflect, to check in with how you feel then decide how you are going to move forward with AWARENESS. Recognizing that when we chose to stay in it we must make the choice to trust the person again and move towards LOVE otherwise the relationship is already over. You can’t build on an unstable foundation.
And forgiveness also applies to yourself as well. You must be able to forgive yourself for the things you have done. We expect others to forgive if we ourselves cannot forgive ourselves. Though again, forgiveness is never about another it’s always about YOU.